Can't fit in the box.
Lately I haven't feeling that happy.
I'm a very insecure person. I always pick myself into bits.
I weigh to much, I'm to ugly.... etc. I know that these things aren't true, but I've convinced myself into believing that they are. And it doesn't help what my friends say, they call me fat a lot. Most of my friends are absolutely beautiful. Being around pretty people all the time can really ruin a person's self esteem. I constantly compare myself to them, how awkward and ugly I am.
My mom also expects me to be this barbie doll, with long hair and perfect features and blah blah blah. Whenever she realizes that I am not barbie she goes on this rant about everything that's wrong with me. And it hurts, because no matter how hard I try I can never be the Abena that she wants, and I feel no matter what I do I'm undeserving of my mothers love. She's hurt me so many times, in so many ways and she doesn't get the pain that I feel when she goes on her rants. She doesn't know that I feel inadequate to her grace and beauty. She doesn't know that I'm scared that she might love the imaginary me and care nothing for the real one.
Ugh... I hungry, I'll just get a glass of water, like usual.
b.t.w Windows webcam, sorry its crappy quality, my brother was on the mac so I took the picture on my laptop.
click to follow me
I'm a very insecure person. I always pick myself into bits.
I weigh to much, I'm to ugly.... etc. I know that these things aren't true, but I've convinced myself into believing that they are. And it doesn't help what my friends say, they call me fat a lot. Most of my friends are absolutely beautiful. Being around pretty people all the time can really ruin a person's self esteem. I constantly compare myself to them, how awkward and ugly I am.
My mom also expects me to be this barbie doll, with long hair and perfect features and blah blah blah. Whenever she realizes that I am not barbie she goes on this rant about everything that's wrong with me. And it hurts, because no matter how hard I try I can never be the Abena that she wants, and I feel no matter what I do I'm undeserving of my mothers love. She's hurt me so many times, in so many ways and she doesn't get the pain that I feel when she goes on her rants. She doesn't know that I feel inadequate to her grace and beauty. She doesn't know that I'm scared that she might love the imaginary me and care nothing for the real one.
Ugh... I hungry, I'll just get a glass of water, like usual.
b.t.w Windows webcam, sorry its crappy quality, my brother was on the mac so I took the picture on my laptop.
click to follow me
Labels: Abena, Can't fit in the box, Inadequate, Insecure, Mother., xxLifeonMars
This entry was posted
on Thursday, June 25, 2009 at 1:44 PM.
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June 25, 2009 at 10:40 PMI totally understand how you feel. My family would always tell me i ate too much, had a weird body shape or say, "obviously you've been eating something." However, you can't let their insecurities become yours. Just like me, you have to accept that you can't be everyone else's idea of "perfect." You can only be yourself. Oh and forget fitting into the box. Make your own dang shape.
June 27, 2009 at 6:15 PM
Don't listen to them. Find new friends if they're teasing you.
You're adorable, k? Don't let anyone tell you any different.
�
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