Can't fit in the box.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Lately I haven't feeling that happy.
I'm a very insecure person. I always pick myself into bits.
I weigh to much, I'm to ugly.... etc. I know that these things aren't true, but I've convinced myself into believing that they are. And it doesn't help what my friends say, they call me fat a lot. Most of my friends are absolutely beautiful. Being around pretty people all the time can really ruin a person's self esteem. I constantly compare myself to them, how awkward and ugly I am.
My mom also expects me to be this barbie doll, with long hair and perfect features and blah blah blah. Whenever she realizes that I am not barbie she goes on this rant about everything that's wrong with me. And it hurts, because no matter how hard I try I can never be the Abena that she wants, and I feel no matter what I do I'm undeserving of my mothers love. She's hurt me so many times, in so many ways and she doesn't get the pain that I feel when she goes on her rants. She doesn't know that I feel inadequate to her grace and beauty. She doesn't know that I'm scared that she might love the imaginary me and care nothing for the real one.
Ugh... I hungry, I'll just get a glass of water, like usual.
b.t.w Windows webcam, sorry its crappy quality, my brother was on the mac so I took the picture on my laptop.
click to follow me
I'm a very insecure person. I always pick myself into bits.
I weigh to much, I'm to ugly.... etc. I know that these things aren't true, but I've convinced myself into believing that they are. And it doesn't help what my friends say, they call me fat a lot. Most of my friends are absolutely beautiful. Being around pretty people all the time can really ruin a person's self esteem. I constantly compare myself to them, how awkward and ugly I am.
My mom also expects me to be this barbie doll, with long hair and perfect features and blah blah blah. Whenever she realizes that I am not barbie she goes on this rant about everything that's wrong with me. And it hurts, because no matter how hard I try I can never be the Abena that she wants, and I feel no matter what I do I'm undeserving of my mothers love. She's hurt me so many times, in so many ways and she doesn't get the pain that I feel when she goes on her rants. She doesn't know that I feel inadequate to her grace and beauty. She doesn't know that I'm scared that she might love the imaginary me and care nothing for the real one.
Ugh... I hungry, I'll just get a glass of water, like usual.
b.t.w Windows webcam, sorry its crappy quality, my brother was on the mac so I took the picture on my laptop.
click to follow me
Labels: Abena, Can't fit in the box, Inadequate, Insecure, Mother., xxLifeonMars
